In the end all the fights and bickering don’t matter.
Family is family and I’ll always love every member of my family.
It doesn’t matter how many times I’ve been annoyed with my cousin, it doesn’t matter how many times I’ve wanted to smack him upside the head or strangle him for the things he did that bothered me, it doesn’t matter how many times we’ve argued and yelled over stupid little things.
In the end he is still my cousin, I still care about him, I still want the absolute best for him, I still want him to be happy, I still want him to succeed in life, and I still want him in my life even if it’s not for a big part of my life.
Yes, I still think he has a lot of learning and growing to do. Yes, I don’t always know if his intentions are pure or if he’s just doing stuff so he looks good. Yes, I don’t like how he isn’t exactly the most grateful or respectful person. Yes, his lazy attitude still bothers me sometimes. But, it’s his life. It’s not right for me to judge him or anyone else for the way they’re living their life. It’s not right for me to criticize their decisions or make assumptions about their decisions. All I can do is watch and pray for them if I don’t agree with their ways.
And, yeah, I don’t necessarily like living with my cousin but I do love my cousin. He is a son of God and I am happy that he is trying to follow and walk with God. I have been wrong to criticize and judge and rant about him. Just like me, he’s still trying to grow and neither of us are perfect and we just happen to be similar in ways that make us clash. But, in the end I wouldn’t change anything about our living situation. Without knowing it he’s taught me how to control my minor temper, he’s made me realize that I still need to work on controlling my mouth and in every situation work to talk with only gentle words of love. He’s also taught me to never let anger reside in my heart, especially not for too long. Yeah, we’d fight but the very next day we’d both apologize and talk things out. Those were all things I was so afraid to do back in high school, and now I prefer confronting my problems rather than running away from them. He’s also taught me how to be more accepting of everyone just as they are. I never thought he’d grow up to be the way he is because truth be told I didn’t really know him until I lived with him and I do feel for him because he grew up an only child with parents that didn’t spend all that much time with him, and truth be told I’m proud of him for becoming a man after God’s own heart rather than turning to drugs, alcohol or partying. He really has grown a lot and so have I, but there is always room for improvement for both of us.
Honestly, I will actually miss him. We may have fought and he may have annoyed me a lot (mostly because of the messiness and before it felt like he was always competing or comparing himself with me) but at least we did get to know each other better, at least we kept each other company when we could, and at least we were able to confide in each other even if it was only once in a while. But, I will definitely not miss cleaning up after him or my brother. Yet, I do look at it as good preparation for when I have a husband and kids of my own.
In the end, everything does happen for a reason. I thank God for all these tests of patience. I wouldn’t say I passed with flying colors but that just goes to show I have a lot more learning and growing to do. One thing will never change about me though, I can never not forgive. I have never liked holding grudges because keeping those feelings of angst towards others just hurts me instead and keeps me feeling trapped and bitter. Plus, God has always forgiven me and never holds grudges for the sins I did to hurt him. The least I can do is forgive those that have hurt me and love them in spite of their imperfections.
So, yeah, in the end my family is my family. We don’t always have to get along, we don’t always have to like each other, but I will always love each and every one of them. After all, Ohana means family and family means no one gets left behind or forgotten.